To Tell The One I Love
by Saphiraheart
Summary: Damon and Elena go to the Lake House and Elena reveals to Damon something that happened to her before her parents died. TW warning.


One-Shot

**Damon and Elena go to the Lake House and Elena reveals to Damon how she was raped a month before her parents died. One-Shot.**

I wanted so badly to tell him. We were here alone. And yet I didn't want to ruin the moment with him. Here we were, alone, together to take some time away from all the crazy stuff that was happening. And yet I couldn't think of a better time to tell him.

I wanted Damon to know. He needed too. And yet I was scared. What would he think of me? Would he want nothing to do with me? I was dirty and used. It was still hard to shake that feeling even now. A part of me wanted Damon not to ever know. But at the same time, I wanted him too. I wanted him to comfort me. I considered myself a strong person. But for this, I just wanted Damon to know.

How to bring it up? I didn't know. Should I just come out with it? But I could see how happy he was being alone here with me. Would I ruin that?

I opened my eyes to look at him, sleeping next to me, my head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. I'd woken up before him and hadn't moved so I wouldn't wake him up. With vampires, a slight movement could wake them right up.

We'd just cuddled and talked most of the night. Nothing else. We'd come close, and a part of me had wanted too. But I'd made sure we didn't get to far, saying I was tired, and teasingly asking him to be my pillow, which he'd been more than happy to be. That was something else on my mind. Damon and I had never…. well you know. Not that we needed too, I don't think either of us cared if we did or not, we knew we loved one another. But I couldn't hide the feelings and desires I felt. I knew Damon must have them.

I wanted Damon like that. I wanted us to take that next step. And yet, I knew I wasn't ready. Not after what had happened. Not when I still sometimes had those dreams. I hated knowing my last, and my first time had been like that. I wanted the man who I loved and trusted with my life to make love to me.. I loved Damon so much and I knew I'd be making the right choice. And yet I knew I couldn't, not yet. I was scared I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was scared I would freak out. Scared it would trigger the memories back.

I wanted to tell Damon for many reasons. His support, understanding, and love, and so he'd know I'd never been anyone else's but his. That my first time hadn't been with anyone else. Not by choice.

I realized then I had to be brave and tell him. Sleeping next to him had done amazing things to me. I had felt so safe. Just feeling his body next to mine last night had made me feel so safe and protected. The dreams hadn't even plagued me like they usually did. I was scared of his reaction, but I wanted to tell him. I couldn't be alone anymore. I had to let him in.

I paused for a moment, staring at Damon as he slept, and knew I had to do it now. While I felt brave enough. I lightly pushed at his shoulder. "Damon," I say.

It's amazing how fast he's awake with that light touch and simply saying his name. He smiles at me and says, full of his usual playful smirk, "Was my chest a worthy pillow?"

I smile at him and nod, "The best pillow I've ever had."

Damon might have made another smart remark about that, but his smirk turned to worry when he notices the tears that have started forming in my eyes.

"Elena, what's wrong?" he asks, sitting up. It meant so much to me, the way he cared for me and worried.

"Damon, there's something I need to tell you," I say, taking all the courage I can with a deep breathe. "I've been nervous to tell you, but I need too. I want too. I've never told anyone." I feel my hands suddenly shaking. Memories flash in my mind. I can't make them stop. That is until I feel Damon's hands on mine. "You can tell me anything Elena," he says, his eyes soft. His words give me the strength I need to keep going.

"A month before my parents died, something happened to me," I say quietly. "I went to this party. Bonnie and Caroline couldn't go but I did… it wasn't usually like me to go to a party without them. And I was really stupid.."

Damon's looking into my eyes with worry. And fear? He squeezes my hand as I keep going.

"I was an idiot. I did the one thing they tell you never to do. I left my drink out of my sight for a while, before I came back to it."

The look in Damon's eyes showed so many emotions as he stared at me.

"Elena.." he managed out, his voice shaking. He pulls me to him. "You weren't.. you weren't…

"Yeah I was," I say in a dull voice. "I remember getting really tired. It's hard to remember but someone took me into a room. I don't remember much. But I remember starting to wake up later… and he was on top of me and he was…" I choke at the last bit.

Damon's holding me so close to him and whispering my name softly, "Elena.. Elena, Elena, I'm sorry…" When I look into his face I see pain. Sadness. Anger. Anger not meant for me, I know.

"I didn't know when he'd stop," I suddenly find myself saying. I didn't want to get into the details with Damon. It was enough to just admit I'd been raped to get into the details. And yet I wanted to say it aloud. I wanted someone to know everything. Even though I knew each word had to be causing Damon so much pain, to hear what had been done to me.

"I wish I'd stayed out of it so I didn't have to feel, but I did. And I tried to fight, I did." I choke out, "But I couldn't stop him. It hurt so much. I begged him to stop, but he just kept going." I'm so glad Damon's holding me, because if he wasn't I didn't think I could keep talking.

"And he took it," I say through tears, "I'd never, done it before. I didn't want it to be like that the first time. I wanted it to be, with the one I loved. It should have been you." And suddenly I'm crying so hard. I'm sobbing. Damon is holding me to him, rocking me back and forth. "Shhhhh, Shhhh it's okay," Damon tells me softly. I bury my head into his chest. "You still want me?" I ask, revealing my greatest fear. "I'm dirty… and used… I can't get rid of that feeling."

I feel Damon stroke my cheek, looking directly into my eyes.

"You are _not _dirty Elena," he says, "Don't say that about yourself. You aren't used. He didn't take away anything," his voice shakes at the mention of the man who had raped me.

"I love you Elena. I'll always want you. This changes nothing. How could it?" Damon strokes my cheek again, "You'll never be hurt like that again," he promises. "I'm sorry. I wasn't there to protect you," his voice shakes as he continues. "If I'd been in Mystic Falls sooner.."

"Damon there was nothing you could have done. You weren't there. That's not your fault. You need to know how much your love and support means to me. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to make it through the days. Your love has meant the world to me. It gave me a reason to live, as cliche as that sounds."

Damon continues to hold me, stroking my hair. Every one of his touches makes me feel warm, secure, and loved.

"I didn't tell anyone. I tried to be strong, act like nothing happened. But inside it was tearing me apart. And then my parents died before I even had the courage to tell them. All that pain was too much. A part of me wanted to give up. I even thought of suicide." Damon gives a sharp intake of breath at that. "But I did what I could to hold it together, Jeremy needed me too. I knew I couldn't leave him on his own."

"You've had to deal with this on your own?" Damon asks in a pained voice.

"I didn't want anyone to know," I say, "I was embarrassed, ashamed. I felt like an idiot. I was so scared for awhile after that I'd be.. you know, pregnant. But thankfully I wasn't. That was really hard, keeping that from everyone. But I didn't want people to know my first time was… was rape." I manage out.

"It doesn't count," says Damon forcefully, "You didn't want too. It wasn't a choice."

I close my eyes and then look into Damon's eyes again.

"I want too. With you. But I don't think I'm ready."

"Only when you are. I don't want you just for that, _you _know that," Damon told me, "There's no rush. I'm not going to make you do anything that you feel uncomfortable with. Let me know if I ever do. I'm going be here to help you. You don't have to keep this to yourself anymore."

I press my head against his chest, taking in his scent and his warmth, this feeling of safety.

"It feels good, being next to you," I tell him, "I feel safe."

"You _are_ safe," Damon promises, "We're going to solve this mess with Klaus okay? We are. We're going to be together. I'm not going to let anything hurt you. You have me. So if anything happens, anything is bothering you, or you want to keep talking about what happened, I'm here, Elena, remember that." There's such a conviction in his words. I know he means them.

"Back at you," I whisper, snuggling into him more. "I'll be there for you too."

I pause for a few moments, then speak, "I don't know what I'd have done without you Damon. I was just living each day, trying to make it through. But you made life better. It felt worth it." I intertwine my fingers with his, "Telling you this, it feels like such a relief. I needed somebody to know. I know I'll have to tell others soon. But having you know, it makes me feel better. Less alone."

Damon squeezes my hand, "You'll never be alone, I'm always going to be here."

I smile, squeezing Damon's hand back. "I love you."

"Love you too," Damon whispers into my ear. "My life has meaning again, with you in it." He kisses the top of my head.

Having Damon's love and support means the world to me. I know I can make it through anything with him by my side.

* * *

**Hope you like it, I haven't written anything in awhile! ****Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a review!**


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